February has not been fierce.
Our claim with insurance has been slow going, so have the repairs to the basement. It's annoying.
I have also scheduled the second opinion for the 24th so it feels like everything has paused based on that recommendation.
However, I did schedule my sleep study consult which is at the end of the month and I scheduled physical therapy. And what a gift physical therapy has been! Many of these initial appointments have been consults so imagine my surprise after having a conversation and assessment with the physical therapist when she said "OK now we're going to get to work." It felt great to be given something tangible after so many "think about its". My therapist is incredibly kind and gives me lots of encouragement and compliments my progress. I imagine all physical therapists are, but it makes all the difference to me. I've already noticed a difference in my stamina and my confidence.
It truly does feel like a gift, a gift to myself. It's one of the few things I do all by myself, getting out of the house and taking an hour to work on my body and listen to it without distraction has been so valuable. B has been working on improving his health as well and making great progress. In the beginning I would feel a bit jealous even bitter that he would get up every morning and go for a bike ride or walk by himself, while I tried to fit in a "Grow with Jo" before M woke up. But I get it now and I'm glad we've found ways to make space for it in our lives. I'm also completely disconnected when I'm in PT. The first time she put me on the heating pads and told me she'd back in ten minutes, I wanted to ask for my phone. Now it is a pleasure to be still and simply stare at the birds outside (even if they're buzzards) and feel the comforting heat. I continue the exercises at home but really look forward to my sessions twice a week.
Physical, forward (slowly), feeling (lots), faltering and forgiving February.
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